(Cue the sappy music)... I Dreamed I Had An Interview With God...

So, you would like to interview me?, God asked

If you have the time, I said

God scowled

Well, you’ll have to make it quick. I have a shitload of fetuses to deform, and I’m running behind. What do you want to know?

Well... all the pain and suffering in the world... all the seeming unfairness and needless hurt and harm... God: is there some meaning, some purpose to it all that will make it seem, in the end, somehow worth having endured it?

No. Next question?

What surprises you most about humankind?

That in spite of everything, they’re still ready and willing to kiss my ass. Anything else?

What about Death, God? What really happens to us after we die?

You really want to know right now? That could be arranged....

Ah, umm, no, that’s okay, I can wait.

God scratched his butt

And we were silent awhile

And then I asked

As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?

Buy low – sell high...
You can’t get to heaven on roller skates
And time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

Thank you for your time, I said humbly. Although, God; why do I feel like I've just wasted my precious time trying to talk to you?

God smiled and said

Do you know what the agony of malignant, metastasized liver cancer is like?

No, I said

Well, you’re about to find out, said God.

Smartass.

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