My Mistress' Eyes Are Nothing Like the Sun...

Organizers of the world's first Miss Ugly Fucking Pig Pageant say that the response - from both potential paticipants as well as corporate sponsors - has been overwhelming beyond their wildest dreams.

"We actually just started this thing to get easy sex from ugly, insecure women," said Biff Jockarelli, one of the pageant's organizers. "But we had no idea that there were so many chicks out there who feel they qualify as ugly fucking pigs."

Mr. Jockarelli and his co-organizers started out their enterprise with a banner ad on the online 'zine Slagg, but the response was so enthusiastic that they soon were running an official website for the pageant, and having to screen up to 400 applicants per day.

Things really took off when Budweiser Breweries signed on as a major sponsor of the event, and began developing an ad campaign that would run concommitantly with the three-day pageant, "Fuck an Ugly, Drunk Bitch Tonight". Soon after, Revlon Cosmetics also signed on, with their ad campaign, "Ugly Fucking Pig No More" already running in major Cable TV and magazine markets. Other sponsors quickly followed, including Nike Shoes, Burger King, and Goodyear Tires.

Although the venue for the pageant has yet to be decided on, organizers say that Las Vegas, Hollywood, and Fort Lauderdale are all being seriously considered.

"Bascially it comes down to which city can supply us with the best dope and escort services," said Mr. Jockarelli. "After all, we're only in this to get stoned and laid."

After a moment's consideration, he added, "And to make a fuckload of money, too, of course. "

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